Back Diary: Day 3

Day 3:
 In the morning when breakfast came, Dad was with me and I ate some cereal and some of my Dads toast.  We put the TV on and watched something, my Mum then came with my two sisters, which was nice although I am not the best company.  I am tired and always complaining about the pain, I wanted loads of morphine to help ease the pain.  My sisters sat and talked with me and they had brought stuff to occupy them as I think my Mum knew I wouldn't be u for much.  We all watched the tv and my sisters walked around the room. As my Mum had been there before, she knew the kitchen staff and was able to order herself tea and biscuits that came with it.  I had to drink a lot of water so I didn't get dehydrated.  When lunch came,  I was able to eat a little bit of it, but not much as I couldn't stomach the whole thing.  My sisters had a bit of lunch as well from what was in the kitchen.  
Both my Yiayia's (Grandma) came to visit me and when they saw me, they each gave me a kiss, I was able to talk to them a little bit, but I was very tired and rested my eyes while my Mum talked to my Yiayia's, most probably about me. My yiayia's both left and, it was quiet again.

My sisters played with what they had and I watched tv resting my eyes inbetween, as I can't really sleep throughout the day.  I nibbled on some snacks throughout the afternoon, but nothing too heavy as I was not hungry and didn't want too eat.  My Mum had some tea and my sisters drank and had the cookies that were laid out with my Mums tea.  It was early evening and when my Dad arrived, my Mum and sisters' left after saying bye to both me and my Dad.  I feel sad when my Mum leaves, although my Dad is there, I still miss her.  My dinner comes and again I don't eat much and let Dad have the rest with the dessert that accompanied it, refusing his offer when he asks if I want some.  We carry on watching tv and settle down.  Every two hours the nurses' still come in too take my vitals, changing from day nurses' to evening ones and this is different after being used to seeing familiar faces.
We both doze off throughout the sleep, neither of us getting much sleep, me because I am in pain and my Dad because the chair he is in is uncomfortable.  Every time I want to change sides, I call the nurses to help me, I have to have to nurses to move me so I don't move anything and have a pillow underneath me so it supports the bit that is not touching the bed.  When I do call the nurses in, it wakes my Dad which is unfortunate.  I seem to re-call calling the nurses a lot because of the pain, not that they could help much.  The night went slow and sunrise grew slowly.

My back diary

So I did say I would do a blog of my operation, so decided to do it on the 4th year anniversary.

Day 1:
Woke up in the morning like it was a normal day the only difference, I wasn't going to my year 10 work experience. Got dressed and then went to drop my little sister at school and then it was that, seeing my family friends dropping their friends off, saying good luck to me and my mum, it seemed so surreal. I think I was putting it to the back of my mind. Everything was in the car as we put it there before and we set on our long journey, on the way there I felt sick, still not believing that I was going to have an operation, acting like everything was normal.  Thinking about it know makes me a bit sad and it's been four years.  We arrived at the hospital and we were put into the room and Dad was waiting for us, we got as settled as we can and I tried to relax on the bed, which was so uncomfortable not realising I will have to be in that bed for two weeks. I was staying strong, I didn't want to show my fears to anyone, when I went toilet, it kind of sunk in, I was having an operation, I kinda felt sad again but I don't think I cried.  Went out, ordered my food for the next day after the operation.  Was all quiet and then it was when I broke down. I cried and cried and cried, it was too much, I changed my mind even though there was nothing we could do about it know and I knew I was going to have it done whether I liked it or not.  Then it was time to get into my gown and put my clothes away and the nurse came in to give me a tablet which was little and melted on my tongue.  After they took my blood pressure, it was time, I lay down on the bed and was rolled out, my Dad could only come to the end of the corridor and I had to say bye.  I was crying again, my mum came with me and I was begging her not to let me go, I was beginning to be a bit hectic, we got to the aesthetic room and she put the gas on my face and I remember saying it wasn't working and that's all I remember. After my operation I was put in the ICU which stands for the intensive care unit, I was put in there just in case something happened over night and too keep an eye on me.  I woke up hazily in the night, I don't know what time, all I remember was being in pain and thinking I couldn't move, I looked to my left and saw my mum and dad there behind the curtains and there was nurses around that area.  I then fell back asleep. When I awoke next, it was the middle of the night and I was still in pain.  I think I called the nurse over and she reassured me it was normal to be like that.  I could hear people moaning and groaning from around me and I felt alone.  I didn't know what to do. This was different to me...  Every two hours they would wake me up to take my vitals, not that it mattered, when they came I was awake.

DAY 3: SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR

Did you think I forgot??? :p

The only thing I think I should forgive myself for is not accepting about my back operation!

It's still not sunk in and I have had the op and it's been nearly 4 years!!! It's gone so fast :s and I'm always complaining about it which is bad!!!! Obviously I am happy I lived and that it being major and everything but I just want to forget it ever happened..... one day I'll do a whole blog on it like a diary  4 years too late!!! would u like that???

So I'm always blaming myself for my back like it's my fault! Even when my sister had hers, all I was thinking was why her!!!! :'(

I should let go of this blame and be able to forgive myself for something that wasn't even my fault.

Tune in tomorrow for the next challenge.... here is a hint... it's about forgiveness again!!!!