LIFE

So the other day, I was thinking about life and where it takes us.  Right now I think my life is so jumbled up, I used to have such a clear view of where I wanted my life to go and where I should be right now but it isn't and here I am thinking over here.  I don't remember much of when I was a childhood but I always thought that I had no worries in my home life but oh was I wrong, for the last 3-4 years it has been going down isn a spiral and is not stopping anytime soon.. my perfect life going to be scrambled and will have to get used to that.  But what happens if I don't what to get used to it, or get over it?! How do I do it? How do I adjust to things being different, families being apart, who do I choose? Why do I choose?

Things in my other life will be messed up, but knowing me I won't show it, I will put a smile on my face and push through my daily schedule fooling everyone.  Why won't I ask for help? Am I too proud? I think it is because I don't want to burden everyone with my problems, I am usually the one to help everyone not push all my problems on everyone else.... the bad thing about this is that one day it will all come to a boil and I will explode....

Funny thing is it isn't going to happen for a couple of year but even knowing it will happen makes me want to cry and just hide away till everything is fine.  Life is very funny, putting so many obstacles in the way to see if I can overcome them.  I know there are a lot of worse things about there for other children and I wish I could help every single one of them, but right now I just want everything to be perfect.  I want it to go back to how it used to be, where everyone is happy and gets on with each other and then everything will be fine.

The reason for this is because once it happens my LIFE will not be the same ever again and things will come out, not nice things but nasty things and what will I do then, just sit back again and listen or would I be involved?! Probs be the latter one and I am the oldest which means I will need to check on my sisters and make sure they are okay as they will take it harder than me!

On a happier note..... I am looking for a job and the internet it coming back :)